My Religion’s Sex-Positive!

Now that I’ve done the pre-pre-intro, the pre-intro and the intro, time to actually start blogging some Jewish law!

There are a number of cases of exceptionalism that run across different religions. One that I looked at a year ago is the idea that “my religion’s not a religion, it’s more/different/a relationship/a way of life”. The one that I found interesting is the idea that “other religions may look at sex as sinful but my religion sees it as a beautiful thing”. To start with, some very basic examples:

• In Judaism the whole Kosher Sex phenomenon
• “Let’s start with the fact that Judaism is fundamentally a sex-positive tradition. To be sure, it mostly imagines that such sexuality is limited to heterosexual, family-contextual sex, but that has been, for better or for worse, the presumption for most people for most of recorded history….Bottom line for most of Jewish tradition, sex is good. [Source]
• “Christian sexual morality is based on the idea that sexual pleasure is holy and good; that God created it; that its purpose is to unite husband and wife and, at appropriate times, to pro-create children; and that it has spiritual as well as physical significance. It is not a mere physical thrill, nor is it something to be ashamed of.” [Source]
• “Sex is the ultimate expression of love and is a total physical and emotional encounter. In a brief but beautiful expression the Quran refers, to this relation between husbands and wives saying: ‘They are your garments and you are their garments.’ (2:187) The sexual unison between husband and wife is more than seeking a relief from the urge of desire.” [Source]

A few things are interesting. Firstly, the mere fact that religions feel they have to engage in this kind of marketing is good. It shows that society’s come to at least a semblance of sex positivity. At least compared to a few centuries ago, when few religions would bother to defend themselves against prudishness. Secondly, it’s revealing that this type of marketing seems largely engaged in by the 3 Abrahamitic religions that are really some of the most sex-negative in the phylogeny of religions. Of course if you’re a member of one of these religions you might think it’s because you need to defend yourself against baseless charges of prudery but I think there’s a definite element of projection here. Thirdly, pretty much all these marketing tidbits take any positive away often in the next sentence. Religion X believes sex is wonderful and beautiful and godly BUT…

• it can’t be “mere” pleasure
• hetero-marrieds doing PIV only please!
• for YHWH’s sake, stick to your normative gender roles!

So let’s take the example of Judaism. Of course sexuality is a very complex issue but today I want to just mention two little laws from the Kitzur Shulchan Aruch that hint at the situation. These both have to do with the laws of getting up in the morning. The first one is the ritual handwashing prescribed after 30 minutes of continuous sleep, going to the toilet, tying your shoes and of course sex (2:19-20). The second is about getting dressed: you should always avoid being naked in a place where you can be seen. Since however YHWH is all-seeing, this means the best way to get dressed in the morning is in your bed under your covers (3:1).

To take them in reverse order, the second one would be explained as an example of the multifaceted Jewish concept of modesty (tzniyut). The first belongs in the context of the laws of impurity which do not necessarily map onto moral categories (a standard counterexample given in Jewish apologetics is that a woman becomes impure after giving birth, a great occasion from a Jewish perspective). But I challenge anyone to look carefully at these — without the assumption that every element of Jewish practice comes directly from a god — and see anything other than sex-negativity and control at the root of these. You should be “modest” of your own body — by always hiding it. You should get rid of “ritual impurity” which you magically happen to get from sex, menstruation etc. All of these are just marvellous coincidences for such a sex-positive religion.

To finish the rant, apologists often cite the laws of sexual intercourse as an example of how Judaism is sex positive. A husband, you see, is obligated to sexually satisfy his wife and there are even laws about how often they must have sex!

The conjugal rights stated in the Torah: tayalin [“gentlemen of leisure”] — every day; labourers — twice a week; mule-drivers — once a week; camel-drivers — Once in thirty days; sailors — once in six months; the words of Rabbi Eliezer. [Ketubot 5:6]

I agree, it could be seen as very sex positive. But if you think it’s really sex-positive to consider intercourse as something a husband gives to his wife, then there’s not much more I can say…