Introducing the Book of Numbers

I don’t normally do polemics or flat-out rants but here goes:

It’s been quite a few days since I posted a new book for the super abridged Bible project. This is because Numbers is taking quite a long time. It’s not just the length, it is one of the most repetitive, pointless, brutal, petty, sickening, inhumane, antiheroic books I’ve ever read.

It is almost certainly the worst book in the Bible (by far, methinks!) and possibly one of the worst books in existence. And I’m not one to exaggerate in this case, I mean it literally. The abridged Bible project has given me a very high-level birds eye view of the books that I’ve been familiar with for years. This brings together some kind of clarity. And the first 3 books aren’t as bad as some people make them out: the stories are at least coherent and if not very entertaining at least have a certain mythological narrative clarity. The laws contain many elements of brutality but overall represent a genuine attempt at a just legal system and some of them contain principles that even today we could do worse than incorporate. And the boring genealogies etc can always be skipped

.

And then there’s Numbers. The Israelites in Numbers are pure milksoppishness and incompetence while the YHWH presented in Numbers is of almost infinite malevolence. The cycle is this:

  • The Israelites complain bitterly about their hardships, ask why YHWH ever took them out of Egypt and otherwise insult YHWH (eg. by suggesting that they’d be better off in Egypt)
  • YHWH gets incensed and strikes them with some punishment or other. Usually it involves many deaths but YHWH is also brutally (and sometimes ironically) creative. Also he usually tells Moses that he now wants to kill all the Israelites since he’s so sick of them.
  • Moses prays for the Israelites to be forgiven or — time and time again! — persuades YHWH not to commit genocide on his “chosen nation”

Once this cycle completes it starts again, sometimes immediately. Nobody ever learns, everything is completely pointless and nihilistic and just utterly devilish. There is not one case in the whole book where any character is at all admirable or does anything that can be considered good. And there are massacres and brutalities to boot. But basically it’s all a big nothing.

I’ve always said that the Bible is one of the best atheist books. Now I’m condensing it: if you want to be cured of theism, read Numbers and save yourself countless hours. The question to keep in mind when reading: pretend that it does not say YHWH or God or LORD but “supernatural agent X”. Can you finish the book and be convinced that supernatural agent X is anything but the devil himself? And the cognitive dissonance that must be maintained to read the book of Numbers (as often as once a year in synagogues!) and still believe YHWH is anything but a pathetic-murdering-loser is astounding. And in a few days when I post the summary, you can see for yourself.

I’m both flabbergasted and discombobulated. Aah, serenity now…

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